It’s Not Wrong to Feel That Way - Derya Akyol on Truth, Trauma & Belonging

AFFECT caught up with actress and voice artist Derya Akyol, known as the voice of Anxiety in Inside Out 2 and for her breakout role as Mila in the upcoming series Euphorie. We spoke about what it means to grow up between cultures, what shaped her sense of belonging, and why visibility always comes with responsibility. Derya opened up about channeling past pain into performance and how playing Mila wasn’t just a role.

PHOTOGRAPHER: SASHA ILUSHINA

AFFECT: Who are you, what do you do, and where might people know you from?

DERYA AKYOL: Hi, I’m Derya Akyol. I’m an actress and voice actress, and most people probably know me as Mila in the series Euphorie, which is coming out soon, or also my voice as “Anxiety” in Inside Out 2.

A: How or in what way has your upbringing shaped you?

D: Getting into the world of acting and voice work. I was always a bit too loud, too active, too full of energy for the German school system and then suddenly that became something positive.
I think that entry shaped me in realizing that what’s sometimes seen as wrong in the system doesn’t actually have to be wrong. You can find out for yourself what’s right and learn to see the advantages in just being yourself.

A: Did you have a role model as a child?

D: I was totally a football freak as a kid and even played with professionals and honestly, because of that, my role models were totally those typical footballers, Michael Ballack, Miroslav Klose with his flip, or Lukas Podolski.

A: Is there an experience or encounter that permanently changed your view on the world or your life?

D: I was in New Zealand for four months but also: I’m half Turkish, half German and always kind of torn between two worlds, two nationalities, and the question where do you belong. I only got to know my dad’s side and family in Turkey quite late in my childhood, and I’d say that was a turning point. Suddenly a huge part of my family entered my life, where I felt much more a sense of belonging. (...) When I was really there for the first time and realized: “Hey, this is part of where I belong too,” that really shaped me. After that, I was there every two months. Here it was school and work, there it was family and life.

A: What attracted you to the role of Mila in Euphorie?

D: That raw, honest, just realness. I read the scripts and was immediately like: hey, there are so many associations to myself. (...) These are real problems, and I was so drawn to the chance to portray that authentically and to tell those stories and also to show a lot of people that they’re not alone (...) which I think is pretty rare in German TV.

A: How did you handle playing a lead character in such a sensitive series?

D: I had a lot of respect for the role and tried to prepare as best I could, because my goal was to portray it as authentically as possible. No matter if the topics were something I’d personally experienced or things I hadn’t come into contact with yet, I wanted to play it real. I observed a lot, did research on TikTok and YouTube, talked to people, spoke with psychologists, read a lot of psychological material (...) and tried to bring that into the role. When it came to acting, it was less theoretical, I just went in and felt it. I also brought in some of my own trauma (...) Everyone’s struggling (...) even if it often looks like everything’s perfect. That’s exactly what we wanted to show.

A: What was the most emotionally challenging scene on set, and why?

D: So from October to November I basically had to cry every other day in character, and overall that was a really tough time because at some point, I was pretty much alone (...) the whole main cast wasn’t there anymore from October/November on, and then I was in a new apartment in a new city (...) The scenes were really heavy - intense topics, intense fights, breakdowns, crying, physical fights and all that for like six hours straight. You’d really feel drained the whole next day.

A: In what way is Mila a reflection of how young people feel today, especially regarding mental health and drugs?

D: It’s about love, unconditional love – from parents, family (...) and when you don’t get that love, you try to find it somewhere else, in relationships, in drugs, or other things. Of course, you make mistakes along the way (...) everyone’s living life for the first time, no one knows right away what’s perfect or correct, but everyone wants to be loved, even when they make mistakes. I think that’s really hard nowadays, especially with social media, you’re constantly being judged, constantly comparing, constantly being criticized (...) Whether you drown yourself in dopamine from social media, Reels, TikTok or from drugs, substances, or alcohol (...) it gives a quick good feeling, but it’s not sustainable. I think everyone can relate to that somehow. In the end, it’s a basic need, to be loved when you’re not feeling okay. (...) That journey is what we show in the series.

A: How has your view of belonging changed, in general or in the film industry?

D: In terms of the film industry, I think this was the first time through this series that I felt like I was really being seen, that what I do is being recognized. But at the same time, I also realized that it can disappear really quickly. It’s kind of a blessing and a curse. When it comes to belonging, I think it’s really important to keep reminding myself: who are my people, what’s my close circle, who are my friends, who’s there for me even when things aren’t going well or when I’m not being seen. Those are the people who give me that sense of belonging. I haven’t changed much (...) I kind of always knew who my people are, and I still know now, even after the series. I’m still me, that hasn’t changed. I’ve met a few more people, but my close circle has stayed the same.

A: In what way was the role of Mila also a return to your own, perhaps unresolved, feelings from your youth?

D: Definitely. I’m also half Turkish, half German. And you just don’t really see that in roles. I feel like things are usually either very white, or if there’s a migration story, then it has to be a huge theme. But it’s just my life. Mila plays football, I played football too. And football was always a place where I felt I belonged, part of a team. That gave me a lot as a kid. And then also the conflicts Mila has, with herself, with others. There was definitely a lot of frustration, anger, pain that I was able to release through the role. Even in scenes with arguments or breakdowns, that was super freeing. I think a lot of things I couldn’t properly process back then, or even comprehend as a child, I could revisit through the role and somehow work through it.

A: You worked for a long time mostly as a voice actor, what changed for you with acting?

D: Somehow it’s not really a switch, because I want to do everything acting has to offer, whether it’s theater, in front of the camera, or audio plays (...) I just really enjoy the variety, and what excites me about this job is that you don’t have to say „okay, I’ll do this for the rest of my life“, it’s always changing. I want to keep doing it all.

A: What does “visibility” mean to you, artistically or socially?

D: So definitely you’re more seen and more heard, and I think that also includes the aspect of having reach and being able to influence, what topics are being talked about, what’s being brought attention to (...) That’s why visibility also means responsibility to me.

A: How do you handle the responsibility of portraying a character that many young people might identify with, especially when it comes to trauma, violence, or mental health?

D: I take that responsibility very seriously. I think it’s because I know myself what it’s like to see yourself in a character and how important that can be. That’s why I didn’t want to play anything cliché or superficial. I really wanted to understand what was going on inside Mila. I read a lot, talked a lot, but mostly I felt a lot. I wanted young people going through similar things to feel seen. (...) I noticed, when I’m honest in my performance, that’s when it really touches people. I think that’s the biggest responsibility, and also the greatest power that acting can have.

A: Is there a moment that was especially important to you?

D: Not really one specific scene, but many that show how things really are. One topic that’s super important to me is being taken seriously as a young woman, especially when it comes to mental health. You’re often brushed off with “she’s overreacting” or “must be her time of the month,” and that’s so intense (...) With social media, you’re always expected to give a “nice” answer, and if not, you’re quickly seen as “moody” or “difficult“. The series wants to show mental health honestly and open up that conversation, because it’s actually important to be able to talk about it without being devalued. (...) I think it’s important to show yourself openly, without a façade or fake. Our portrayal is real, honest, and calls things by name. (...) Psychologically I understand way more now, because acting and psychology are closely connected. You have to understand the root of feelings and behavior – not just show the surface. (...) For example, drug use is often an attempt to feel love, something you maybe didn’t get.

A: If you could capture one moment from Euphorie, which would it be?

D: One moment with the camera. I had a cool scene, a dance down the Cologne Cathedral steps, almost like a dream sequence. We were under extreme time pressure, only had one hour for the scene (...) The day before was the first time I’d even seen the steps, had to dance there, totally crazy. I just thought: “What if I blank out?” Then the scene starts, fake rain pours down on me (...) I’m dancing down the stairs, totally in the zone, it’s 11 PM and we have to be done by midnight. Then suddenly the whole square in front of the cathedral starts applauding, lots of people were watching, the whole main cast was there, everyone cheering. That was such a goosebumps moment (...) I’ll never forget that moment.

A: What advice would you give to young people who might feel like Mila?

D: I’d just say: no matter how you or someone feels, it’s not wrong to feel that way.
Feelings can never be wrong, and you’re never alone with them. Even if everything seems so perfect nowadays on social media and everything always has to be positive.
I think so many people feel the same, and it’s okay to talk about it (...) To answer honestly and not just say “I’m fine”, to let yourself be hugged and also to listen to others and take those feelings seriously.That’s probably what I’d say: You’re not alone.

A: Perfect, that’s it.

D: Thank you!

Editor in Chief: Noemi Zak