Vogue Isn’t Talking About Your Boyfriend
When Vogue published Chanté Joseph’s article “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?”, it didn’t take long for the internet to react. The piece quickly sparked a wave of responses, especially on TikTok, where users began dissecting, debating, and defending the idea of what it means to be in a relationship.
There are videos of women cuddled up with their boyfriends captioned “sorry Vogue, nothing embarrassing about that”. There are also just as many clips of women saying “even Vogue says being single is in”, celebrating their freedom and independence. Some feel seen, others feel attacked.
What’s interesting is how differently the article is read. Some people seem to have only seen the headline – catchy, a little provocative, designed to make you stop scrolling – and assumed it is just another cynical take on relationships. But the piece itself is not saying love is embarrassing, it is only pointing out how easily we let it become our main identity marker. It is questioning why, even now, so much of a woman’s social value still seems to depend on being in a relationship. It isn’t a critique of couples, but a reminder to those who aren’t in a romantic relationship that there’s nothing wrong with that. And maybe also a quiet challenge to those who treat their relationship as the most important part of who they are. Because that’s where the embarrassment might start, when your boyfriend becomes your whole personality, when every “we” and “us” leaves less and less space for yourself.
The point is: It’s not about your boyfriend. Unless it kind of is. Unless you saw the headline and felt defensive, or caught yourself posting a little too much about “us”. Unless you feel like you are proving a point or showing off when posting something about your relationship. Unless you feel like you've won and want to prove it to everyone. Or unless you feel embarrassed by him, by his actions, by the way he is treating you and by yourself for still staying with him. Unless part of you already knew what the article was talking about and you just didn’t wanna hear it. That’s the thing with headlines like this, they hold up a mirror and people rush to explain why they’re not the reflection they see.
And that’s why the article hits such a nerve. It’s one thing to say “I don’t need a boyfriend.” It’s another to realize how much of your identity might still be built around that idea. At the same time, it’s worth asking whether the piece reached the people it was meant to reach. A headline like that almost guarantees misunderstanding. Maybe those who would have needed the reminder the most just feeled called out instead. But that’s the risk of cultural writing in the age of TikTok, the nuance disappears after ten seconds. What’s left is the mood, the headline, the feeling people take away from it and react to.
The Vogue article isn’t an attack; it simply reflects a shift that’s already happening. It's the same shift that can be heard in songs like Olivia Dean’s “Baby Steps”, which captures the quiet confidence of being on your own, figuring things out and moving forward. The Vogue piece is just the same: another way of saying that being single isn't something to fix, it's just another way of living.
by Luisa Gabriel 