We Don’t Date, We Just Collect Matches We’ll Never Meet

Over the years, more and more dating apps appeared. It all started with Tinder, the original swipe-right revolution. What began as a way to meet people, maybe even find love, slowly shifted into something else. Tinder became known less for creating real connections and more for arranging hookups and attracting more and more weird people. But the truth is, the app didn’t really change : the way it was used did. Less and less commitment. Less and less seriousness of intention. So no, Tinder wasn’t the core problem. The deeper issue lies in how we’ve chosen to use these platforms. And more importantly, how we’ve let them reshape our understanding of romance.

Since Tinder, countless other apps have popped up, supposedly better ones, ones that focus more on our personality, our interests, our goals. Some even let us write more than three sentences. But even with all the “improvements,” the experience often still feels shallow. Because let’s be honest: we're still swiping. Still scrolling. Still picking people like we’re online shopping. And if someone catches our eye, it's probably still because of their photos. It’s a game on our phone. Something to do on our lunch break. And people forget or ignore – the fact that there’s a real human on the other side. A person with hopes, pain, desire, fear. But they’re reduced to a profile. A bio. A swipe. We’re lucky if a conversation even lasts long enough to meet up. And even if we do meet someone – we’re just one awkward pause away from being ghosted. Because no one wants to commit. And we don’t have to: Unmatch, block, move on. There’s always someone else. Always another option seemingly waiting for us.  

Modern dating apps invite ; no, require – we to state our intentions upfront.

“Looking for something casual.”
“Open to long-term, but nothing serious right now.”
“Just here for a good time.”

It sounds honest, maybe even helpful. But in reality, it kills something before it can even begin. It strips away the mystery. The unfolding. The chance for two people to feel a spark they didn’t see coming. We’re forced to define what we want before we’ve even met the person. Before a conversation. Before chemistry. Before context. And that’s not how love works. That’s not how a connection works. No one really knows what they’re looking for until they feel it. But the apps don’t leave room for that. They want clarity, predictability, categories. And so we end up choosing “casual” just to be safe. Just to not scare anyone away. We downplay our hopes. We pretend not to care – even if deep down, part of us does want something real. It’s safer to say,
“I don’t want anything serious” than to say, “Maybe I’m open to love,” because it feels too bold, too raw, too vulnerable. But if we don’t leave space for uncertainty, how will we ever be surprised? If we define everything before it begins, how will it ever grow into something real?

Dating apps gave us the illusion of endless options. A seemingly infinite pool of people, all just waiting to be chosen. But what they didn’t tell us is that too much choice leads to paralysis. When there’s always someone “better” just one swipe away, why settle for anyone? Why stay when there might be someone funnier, hotter, taller, cooler... newer?

We don’t choose, because we’re always wondering if we could choose better.

And in all this constant searching, we get tired. Of introducing ourselves. Of telling the same stories. Of answering “What do you do?” and “What kind of music are you into?” for the hundredth time. Finding Romance becomes exhausting. Looking for a connection starts to feel like a chore. We scroll not because we’re excited – but because we’re bored.  

That’s when we know something’s been lost. It didn’t used to be like this. Romance used to be slow. Uncertain. Messy in the best way. It lived in eye contact, in the pause before a text, in not knowing what the other person felt but hoping, maybe, they felt it too.

Now we want clarity before connection. We want to define what something is before it even begins. And in doing so, we miss out on the in-between : the magic of not knowing. The build-up. The risk. Somewhere along the way, dating apps stopped being about finding love – and started being a mirror we use to measure ourselves. Why didn’t they message back? Am I just not attractive enough? We don’t ask “do I like this person?” anymore. We ask “do they like me?”  And our sense of value starts to hinge on strangers who barely know us. But it’s not just laziness or boredom. It’s fear. Fear of catching feelings when the other person doesn’t. Fear of being ghosted. Fear of being the one who cares more. So we play it cool. We keep it casual. We don’t say what we really want, because if we do, we might get hurt. We’ve become emotionally risk-averse. We want connection, but we don’t want to feel too much. We crave intimacy but push it away the second it gets too real.

Dating apps didn’t just kill romance. They killed commitment. Spontaneity. Courage.  

The bravery it takes to say, “I want something real”. They created uncertainty. They made us feel easily replaceable. Because if our profile doesn’t land, or if our conversation isn’t exciting enough – the next person is just one swipe away. We’ve become a generation that treats dating with zero commitment. Not only because of dating apps – but partly. Because dating apps made it easy to never try. Easy to never care too much. Easy to never stay.

But maybe romance isn’t dead. Maybe it’s just buried – beneath noise, fear, and algorithms.  

Maybe what we need isn’t another app. Maybe it’s just the willingness to show up – fully. Honestly. Awkwardly. To admit we’re scared but still go all in. To risk being hurt in order to feel something real. Because no matter how sleek the interface or clever the profile, nothing will ever replace the spark that happens when two people actually see each other.  

 by Luisa Gabriel 

Redefining Dating with Real-Life Connections

Affect meets: Once Strangers is on a mission to bring back the essence of real-life connections.

The concept behind the website is simple yet refreshing: creating spaces for people to meet, connect, and build meaningful relationships offline. Rather than relying on digital platforms that often feel shallow or fleeting, Once Strangers seeks to spark authentic, in-person interactions through curated events designed to foster real connections.

Last week, they kicked off their initiative with a unique and engaging event: a flower workshop followed by a cozy pizza dinner. The event was designed to provide a relaxed and fun environment where attendees could bond over creativity and good food, all while stepping away from screens and engaging with others face-to-face.

The idea is to cultivate an atmosphere where participants can be themselves: no algorithms, no pressure, just genuine interactions. Once Strangers hopes that through such events, people can rediscover the joy of meeting new people in real life and form deeper connections without the distractions of online dating.

By organizing these types of experiences, Once Strangers is aiming to redefine the dating culture, encouraging people to step out of their comfort zones and into spaces where connections can blossom naturally. The event last week is just the beginning, and there are many more exciting opportunities on the horizon for people looking to meet others in a more authentic way.

Images: Ebe Abebe