Paul Ahrens on Desire, Dreams & What Comes Next. What Are We Really Chasing?

AFFECT caught up with actor Paul Ahrens, somewhere between returning to Tatort and getting ready for the release of his first cinema film.We talked about wanting more, getting what you once dreamed of and realizing that maybe the dreaming was the best part. About ambition, failure, progress, the things we secretly want but never say out loud and why longing might always need to feel just a little out of reach. On growing up without wanting to go back, finding meaning in a world that moves way too fast, and learning that you can love where you are while still wanting to know what’s next.

@rufusengelhard

AFFECT: For everyone who doesn't know you yet, please introduce yourself, and what's changed since our last conversation?

PAUL AHRENS: I'm Paul, 24, and an actor. A lot has happened in a year. I got to shoot some wonderful, exciting projects and I'm really happy to be back here with you.

A: With the "Tatort" we see you in a completely different role. What drew you to the character?

PA: For me, Mats carries a lot of complexity. Even while reading the script I found the family constellation of the Zechmanns really fascinating, and it was a good challenge to engage with the role, to feel it and to understand it.

A: Was there anything about the role that surprised you or even pushed you out of your comfort zone?

PA: I was really surprised by Mats' principles and values, which are very far removed from my own, and I still find it fascinating how values like that can already be so internalized in a teenager. Embodying his aggression definitely pushed me out of my comfort zone.

A: Tatort is at once a serious crime series, German cultural heritage, and by now almost a pop-cultural meme. What image of the Tatort did you bring to the shoot yourself?

PA: This is already my second Tatort, but it was once again a great privilege to be part of it. I grew up with the Tatort and it always held a special place in my family. Sunday was always Tatort time and every episode was hotly debated. To now be a part of it myself makes me proud and very happy.

A: At the same time, this episode has quite an apocalyptic atmosphere. How was that contrast for you, being part of a format that stands for so much tradition and consistency, and within it telling a story about the collapse of the familiar and "surviving in a state of emergency"?

PA: We live in a time where all sense of consistency is being questioned, and where especially in the cultural sector there's really no security anymore. Even formats like the Tatort suffer from this and are sometimes canceled entirely. The film is unfortunately not that far from reality and conveys an important confrontation with our society today.

A: Are there roles or characters you've been longing for as an actor?

PA: I have a deep longing for complex characters whose stories can be told in full. Unfortunately, many projects don't always offer the space for that. But I don't have specific role ideas. I also never would have thought I'd end up embodying a role like Mats. It's exactly that unpredictability that I enjoy.

A: With "Der perfekte Urlaub" you also have a cinema film coming up. What was different about this project compared to your previous work?

PA: This is a very special premiere for me because it's my first cinema film. A big dream came true with this, and it was definitely a new experience being part of such a major production. I'm excited for the theatrical release! October 22nd is finally the day.

A: How does a normal day start for you, and how would it start if you could choose completely freely?

PA: For me, my day always starts with a good breakfast. That's a really important routine in my everyday life, which I otherwise often can't plan myself. If I could choose completely freely, I'd love to start every day on a beach.

A: What was the last thing that truly excited you?

PA: I get excited very easily and love getting enthusiastic about all kinds of things in my life. Right now I get to shoot my second cinema film, the work on it and my colleagues fascinate me.

A: What's driving you right now?

PA: Progress. I firmly believe that all work pays off, and my biggest drive is perceiving change.

A: What does success mean to you today, and how would your answer have looked five years ago?

PA: For me, success is always tied to failure. To be successful, you have to be able to deal with failure and use it for yourself. You have to realize that losing is a bigger part of the journey than winning. Five years ago I still thought everything always had to work out.

A: Is there a goal you thought would change everything? And did it end up having the effect you'd hoped for?

PA: There have been many goals I thought would change something. But I never knew exactly what that something would be. I think you should let go of the idea that fulfilling your dreams feels ultimately beautiful. It's actually the dreaming itself and working toward certain goals that makes you happy. Still, you should often consciously remind yourself how beautiful it is when you've actually made your dreams come true.

A: Is ambition more of a driving force for you, or something that makes it hard to be content?

PA: Ambition and discipline are a fantastic driving force for me, as long as I can still let go at any time.

A: Is there something you absolutely want to achieve but rarely say out loud?

PA: Yes, I think that's important. It's also nice to share those things only with yourself.

A: When is "wanting more" something beautiful, and when does it become too much?

PA: Wanting more is always great, as long as you're aware of your situation and don't put yourself in the shadows because of it. You can want more and still appreciate and love what you already have.

A: What are you longing for the most right now, personally and professionally?

PA: Peace and quiet. But that's a good sign, because I don't actually really want it. I know it'll come back though, and then it's wonderful to remember that you longed for it during stressful phases.

A: Is there a difference for you between wanting and longing?

PA: Wanting is somehow more connected to ambition for me. Longing has a lot to do with dreaming. Subconsciously, longing often holds a greater significance for me.

A: Do you think longing requires a certain unreachability?

PA: At least the feeling of unreachability. That's also why it's so fantastic when the longing is fulfilled.

A: Can you long for something you've never had?

PA: Yes, definitely.

A: Is there a former version of yourself that you sometimes long to go back to?

PA: No. I'm very happy with the present. Of course, dissatisfaction is part of it sometimes, but I still always have the feeling that I'm moving forward. I can appreciate former versions of myself, but I don't actually want to go back there. That would distort the memory.

A: What do the people around you long for? Do you notice a pattern?

PA: Often for fulfillment. I think many people find it hard to find a sense of purpose in what they do that fulfills them completely. Especially in such a fast-paced and precarious time, people long for meaningfulness.

A: Can you be settled and still long for something new at the same time?

PA: Yes, that's really important.

A: If money, recognition, and success no longer mattered tomorrow, what would you keep doing anyway?

PA: I'd love to keep making great films that excite me. And of course spend more time with my friends and my family.

A: A sentence you should tell yourself more often?

PA: Clean up.

Interview by Noémi Zak